Friday, November 21, 2008

November and a Year

I've been meaning to post a new entry on the blog for about two weeks. It has taken me until now because of some other urgencies and some procrastination (which absolutely drives me nuts).

The month of November (Nov. 1st) marks one year since we left for Syracuse with McKenna. The whole month of November and a few days into December were spent at University Hospital... on a journey that Kelly and I could never have imagined.

We went from a tiny cramped room, wondering what was happening to our baby to a wide open room in the Pediatric ICU, facing the certainty of death. Part of me has trouble thinking about the whole experience. I vividly remember snapshots that rattle me down deep, like when your body shutters in an effort to shake off the cold night air in the middle of winter. I find myself "day-dreaming" about the hospital, McKenna, our friends, family, doctors, difficulties, sleeplessness... only to realize that I'm driving in the car or sitting in the office and I have to remind myself that that was last year. It's the truest meaning of bitter-sweet. I would rather not think of the hospital or of McKenna with all her tubes or times we helped people say goodbye, but a significant part of McKenna's life was spent in that hospital. We spent so much "valuable" time together in such a short amount of days.

God continues to pour out His blessing on us. Through pictures of McKenna on refrigerators of friends, speaking engagements on suffering & ministry, continued contact with McKenna's doctors and nurses, encouraging letters & shared scripture, Natalie's innocent proclamations & prayers at dinner that she loves her sister McKenna who is in heaven, and the reality that the Almighty God and Creator of all things has firmly upheld us and created purpose in our suffering... we are blessed and we have joy.

I wrote a poem back in February two months after we returned home with McKenna. It's been on my heart and mind this whole month. Every time I read it, with sorrowful tears of determination my heart cries out, "Amen" (it is true). Every word, every line is the perfect representation of how God used my little McKenna Joy to impact my life.

[click the picture to enlarge]

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